BRUCE HAACK Way Out Record 1968 moog psych LP LISTEN

$

77

WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS…

BRUCE HAACK AND MISS NELSON "The Way-Out Record for Children" LP

Original 1968 LP on the Dimension 5 label, D-131

Cover:  VG++ some yellowing near top edge

Vinyl:  Just a few light scuffs, pretty clean, plays NEAR MINT!

A 3rd Grade Classroom somewhere in Manhattan, circa 1968:

Teacher:  Hello class, my name is Miss Nelson.  I’ll be your teacher for the rest of the year, along with my moog player Mr. Haack.  He’ll be sitting over there in the corner, providing some groovy dance beats and electronic sound effects for my lectures.  Anyone need to take a bathroom break before we get started?

Timmy:  Miss Nelson?

Miss Nelson:  Yes Timmy?

Timmy:  Is that the guy who did Electric Lucifer?

Miss Nelson:  Uh…yeah, I believe so.  Is that true, Mr. Haack?

Mr. Haack:  BLUUUUUURRRRPPP SCREEEEEEEE  GRRRBBBLLLLGG…

Timmy:  Mommy told me not to talk to him.  She says he’s weird.

Miss Nelson:  Well, Timmy, don’t you worry - I’ll be doing the talking today.  Now if you’ll all get out your textbooks – we’ll be reading from The Way-Out Record for Children.  Let’s turn to the chapter entitled “Mudra.”  Rachel, would you like to read please?

Rachel:  I bring you sparkling sunlight on a green leaf.  I offer you a warm cover of silk.

Mr. Haack:  BEEEEOOOIINNNNG  BLAAAAPPPPP BIINNNGGGGOWWW!

Rachel:  Uh, okay.  Umm…Stand up quietly and let your whole body be the green worm spinning a shard of silk which wraps around him.  Excuse me.  Miss Nelson?

Miss Nelson:  Yes, Rachel?

Rachel:  What the f** is this s**t?

Miss Nelson:  Why, Rachel, it’s the Way Out Electronic Sound for Today’s Children!  What’s wrong?  Can’t you dig it?  Isn’t it far out?

Mr. Haack:  BLEEEEEPPPP BZZZOIINNGGG  SCREEEEEECCH!

Rachel:  I need to take that bathroom break now.

Everyone Else:  Me too, Miss Nelson!

Mr. Haack:  BLUUURRRPP GDZANNNGGG!

Even among the turned-on junior flower children in New York’s elementary schools, I’m still not sure how a twisted, demented slab of supposed “children’s music” like The Way-Out Record For Children went down in 1968.  Much like a Terry Gilliam film, I think Bruce Haack and Esther Nelson’s 60’s albums might have SAID they were for the kids, but were REALLY geared for adults.  Not only are they just too freaky for even the most open-minded 8-year-old, they’re just NOT good education.  I mean, what’s a kid supposed to get out of the insane mystical sub-Maharashi ramblings of “Mudra” set to over 6 minutes of Bruce’s groovy Indian sitar beat?  Now, maybe some 19-year-old starry-eyed hippie girl with a copy of the I Ching and a wall-sized poster of George Harrison might think it’s like scripture from the Gods, but some moppet with a slingshot and a pet frog is likely to be more confused than Paris Hilton at a bookstore.  Same thing with the Seeds-like garage guitar that kicks off “Sorcerer’s Apprentice.”  This ain’t kid stuff at all.  Besides, why should they have all the fun?

And again, let me stress that even as an education tool, the Way Out Record for Children just plain sucks.  Take “Motorcycle Ride” – first of all, who’s teaching kids to ride Harleys anyway?  But even if you were – like, say you grew up in Kentucky or something – Haack and Nelson are the WORST possible musicians to teach Drivers Ed since Billy Joel’s Secrets of Night Driving.  For starters, less than 30 seconds after starting their trip, Bruce and Esther actually STALL their bike at the FIRST stoplight!  Undaunted, they keep riding, Esther providing the narration while Bruce apparently provides the rock-cutting lasers that shoot from their tires as they truck aimlessly down their own personal Highway to Hell.  It’s not long before Miss Nelson actually gets cocky on the back of her bike:

“Green light!  Now the road is straight and smooth, so STAND UP on the seat of your motorcycle and do fancy tricks!  Stand on one foot, spread your arms and bow.  Now bow BACKWARDS!”

At which point both Bruce and Esther careen off the side of the road and quickly become two large red Rorschach blots on the side of a passing panel truck.  Serves ‘em right.  Teaching 8-year-olds how to do handstands on Harleys.  It’s like Dr. Seuss writing Green Eggs and Red Asphalt.

And I didn’t even mention the goofy voices Bruce uses in “School for Robots,” where his automatons sound like they’re either lobotomized or imitating Keanu Reeves, dancing to a symphony of farts and lewd Jeopardy buzzers.  The Way Out Record for Children is a demented, creepy fairyland of nightmares, and if it’s intended for kids, it’s intended to scar the little s**ts for life.  Remember, this is the same guy who, one short year later, would write and record The Electric Lucifer.  Look, I understand it’s easier to blow the minds of children, because they got that little soft spot up there on the top of their heads.  But to REALLY get the most out of a Haack/Nelson album, you should be fully-grown, fully experienced and fully able to discern between a real education and some dance class instructor talking about green worms and sparkling sunlight.  And a little acid wouldn’t hurt either.

 SOUND CLIPS WILL BE UPLOADED TOMORROW - PLEASE CHECK BACK!

The less exciting stuff

Media mail shipping with delivery confirmation starts at $4.00 in the US, with each additional record only $1 additional shipping.  ALL DOMESTIC ORDERS REQUIRE DELIVERY CONFIRMATION, WHICH IS AN EXTRA 75 CENTS.  Air mail shipping to Canada starts at $10 US, each additional record $2 shipping.  Air mail shipping everywhere else in the world starts at $16 US, with each additional record only $3 shipping.  ALL FOREIGN ORDERS REQUIRE CERTIFICATE OF SHIPMENT, WHICH IS AN EXTRA $1.10.  I accept payments through Paypal, or you can send checks and money orders made out in US dollars.  Items paid by check are held 14 days for the check to clear.

I try to grade as best as I can, and I list as many blemishes/imperfections I can find (writing, ringwear, scuff marks, etc.) – Also, please note that I DO listen to these albums – I may not listen to every track, but my grades are based on LISTENING, not just looking at it, since chances are you’ll be listening to the record you buy, not just looking at it.  Most of the albums I sell are the ones I’ve enjoyed for years – and I treat my records with kid gloves.  But sounds speak louder than words, so check out the sound clips below – they’re from the actual record you’re bidding on. 

SHIPPING AND PACKAGING

Listen, I buy a bunch of records too (when I’m not getting outbid at the last second, which is more often than not) – and I know what it’s like to get a rare, one-of-a-kind album packaged dangerously in a flimsy bubblewrap package.  I hate that too.  So rest assured, I ALWAYS package albums with stiff cardboard reinforcements, same for 45s.  And yes, the records are removed from the sleeves (for albums).  I ship out once a week, every Friday, because I have a regular day job.  But I’d be willing to give that up if you’d all be so kind as to bid my items up to stupidly high amounts. 

And finally, I include delivery confirmation on all shipments inside the US.  This is my proof of shipment, and also helps us to track your package if it doesn’t arrive when it should.  I will email you within 2 days of shipment and give you the confirmation number at that time.  Insurance is always optional, but for larger orders, it’s highly recommended.   I DO NOW REQUIRE THAT ALL FOREIGN BUYERS PAY AN ADDITIONAL $1.10 FOR PROOF OF SHIPMENT.  IT'S A NOMINAL FEE AND THE CHEAPEST WAY FOR ME TO PROVE THAT I ACTUALLY SHIPPED YOUR PACKAGE AND DIDN'T JUST POCKET YOUR MONEY AND SKIP TOWN.  For more security and international tracking, you may request GLOBAL PRIORITY MAIL - but bear in mind the cost of this service is upwards of $30.  For expensive items, however, it may be well worth it.  Unfortunately, there isn’t a cost-effective way of tracking parcels to foreign countries yet, and shipping times vary depending on your country’s postal system.   Italy in particular seems to be really bad at delivering packages quickly, or delivering packages at all, now that you mention it.  I will always email you when your package ships, but once it’s on its way, please don’t ask me when it will arrive because I don’t know.  If the world’s postal systems can ever agree on a universal tracking system that’s affordable, I’ll be the first to use it.

NOW IT’S YOUR TURN…

I will always leave positive feedback for successful transactions, and would appreciate the same in return.  All I ask of you is the following – please pay for your items within 14 days of the close of auction.  Compared to other sellers, that’s a generous amount of time, so if you don’t pay within 2 weeks, then I have to assume something’s wrong.  You’ll get an Ebay payment reminder at that point, and possibly a decapitated horse head in your bed.  If, after 30 days, you still haven’t forked up the cash, I’ll relist the item and yell at you if I ever see you in town. 

CLICK BELOW TO HEAR A SONG FROM THE ALBUM: